Nature

I have always been inspired by nature, especially in the summer. At this time of year, I find an increased hungering for being outdoors, soaking up the sun and taking in all the beauty. The sights and color palette, the sounds of water running and birds chirping, the intoxicating smells of fragrant flowers... I love it all. It's one of the reasons that I chose this new blog design. The other thing I love about nature, is that it is always growing, renewing, and sometimes dying only to grow again. Nature reminds us of the same cycle in our lives. "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." (Ecclesiastes 3:1) As humans we are always growing, learning and changing, physically, emotionally, relationally and spiritually. However, there are times that we need for something to die for there to be space for something else to sprout or grow. What season are you in right now? Are you in a season of growth or renewal? or is there anything in your life that you may need to let go of and let die, so that the ground will be fertile for something else to flourish? As you go about your summer, think about the season of life that you are in and what you want to nurture and grow. Blessings..

Enslavement or Freedom

On this day of celebration of the life and work of Martin Luther King, Jr. and during the National Slavery and Human Trafficking Prevention Month I am taking a moment to ponder about the issues of slavery and freedom. For a few years now I have been burdened by the reality of so many women who are forced into sexual slavery. Often for reasons of poverty, class, gender, race, etc. girls and women are held against their will and forced to perform unthinkable sexual acts. I am so deeply moved by the plight of these women, and the physical abuse and emotional turmoil that they endure. Some organizations that I have followed and supported over the year are fighting this enormous battle. They not only help rescue women out of their imprisonment, but then restore them physically, emotionally and spiritually. These groups are Project Rescue, International Princess Project and Oasis.

Much like the restorative work of these groups, the goal of my therapy work with women is all about helping them to recover from emotional or physical scars and to bring about holistic healing and life change. Most of us have not had to experience the tortures of forced enslavement, but we do have issues in our lives that compromise or sacrifice our emotional freedom. With the power of guilt, shame, regret, jealousy, depression, anxiety, self-criticism, etc. in our lives, we lose the freedom of truly becoming the person that we were created to be. Ask yourself today what might be compromising your freedom in life? Is there anything that weighs you down and "enslaves" you. What you can do today for yourself or to help someone that you know that needs freedom from enslavement? I welcome your thoughts or comments either here or in email.

Life Goals

At some point after I finished college, I realized that making new year's resolutions was not for me. It was at that time that I decided to instead make a "Life Goals" list. I felt relieved that I would have the rest of my life to accomplish the goals and I could focus on the big ticket ones. Well now, more than 15 years later, I have accomplished many of the goals that I had set out to do. (I still would love to travel to Africa and learn to play the violin if my life permits at some point.) So at the start of this new year, I have been pondering the idea of what would I like to "accomplish" in the coming year or years. I have to admit that if I had to write another "Life Goals" list it would be very different than it was 15 years ago. It would be less of wanting to go places (which is still great) or reach a certain level of success personally or professionally. My list would be of primarily matters of the heart and soul. Like living with less fear, less resentment, and giving up my need for control. My measure of success would be more peace and joy (regardless of my circumstances), forgiving more, and trusting God with all the details of my life. This list, even though shorter and more concise than my last one, will definitely take a life time, and then some to accomplish. That's where grace comes in.

If you were to write a "Life Goals" list what would you like to see less of and what would be your measurement of success? How can you begin to take steps towards making those goals a reality in your life today? Post a comment or send me an email.

Expect the Milk to Spill

“Expect the milk to spill.” Of late this has been my motto of choice. After cleaning up, literally gallons of spilled milk at the hands of my two preschoolers, I was getting a little fed up with the hands and knees position on the floor. That’s when I made up my mind that if I just expected the milk to spill, then when it happened I wouldn’t be frustrated and disgruntled but would chuckle knowing that it was really inevitable given the circumstances. So after taking this stance for awhile on beverage spillage, I started applying it to other aspects of my life.

The wise grandfather of a friend was known to say, “Expectations are the handmaiden of disappointment.” So many times in life I have been disappointed with life’s circumstances, quality of a relationship, job situation, etc. but usually it has been because my expectations were unrealistic and rooted in my own hopes and desires rather than in reality. In short, I brought the disappointment upon myself. Most of us struggle with some aspect of our lives. We expected or hoped a relationship to go a certain way, to be in a certain place or position, or to be enjoying life more than we are. Then we find ourselves in a place that we never dreamed we’d be in and not only has disappointment set in, but often depression or anger too. Author M. Scott Peck wrote “Life is difficult. Once we know that life is difficult, once we truly understand and accept it, then life is no longer difficult.” I believe this statement to have much truth to it. If we no longer expect life to live up to our expectations, and rather expect that it will have its share of struggles and hardships, then when they come, as they always do, we will not waste precious energy and time wondering why it happened or why us, etc. We will set our faces to the wind and start walking. It’s the same principle as the milk spilling. Once I know and accept that milk will spill, it no longer gets the best of me. I just grab my rag and hit the floor. Amazing what a simple change in thinking can do to our whole outlook on the people and circumstances around us.

All of this is not to say that I am endorsing taking a pessimistic or ‘expect the worst’ mentality about life. Rather, I am saying that when you experience a disappointment, whether it be with work, relationships, motherhood, etc., examine your expectations that preceded it. Were the expectations realistic for the person or situation, or maybe rooted in your own hopes and wishes? Does the same pattern of expectation and let down continue to plague you? If so what can you do to maybe adjust your own expectations? As I often tell my clients, we can’t change another person, but often when we make changes in ourselves then others respond differently to us. I’d love to hear your comments or stories on this topic. Click below to leave one here.

A renewed commitment

After a long, almost year of absence from my blog writings, I am renewing my commitment for regular postings. I've been writing in my mind throughout the time, but a house move, illness and lots of adjustments has kept me away. However, the time away has been helpful for me to hone in on my intent and purpose for this blog... helpful and inspiring antidotes just for women. I am also hoping to make this a conversation between writer and readers, so please post those comments so that I can know more specifically who my audience is and what your needs are. I look forward to talking more soon!

“Every Day is Experimental”

Since becoming a mother I’ve developed my own mantra for life: “Every day is experimental.” It started off being a way to see the humorous side of raising toddlers. For example, what experiment will he run today? How many toys can he dump onto the floor and still see the carpet or what will Mommy do if he hits his brother? It has also been a way of gauging my own behavior. How long can I be patient before I lose my temper, or how many nights can I go with interrupted sleep and still be considered “functional”? In my early days of being a mother, if I viewed these new found circumstances to be “experiments” rather than tests or annoyances then I could challenge myself to try and turn out a favorable outcome for my experiment.

Now my mantra has taken more shape and I look at life through this view of the experimental. It helps me to not take fleeting or frivolous circumstances too seriously, as I see they are only an experiment and in time will run their course. It also helps when tackling the larger issues of life, like the long range goal of raising healthy, secure and independent children. What actions and decisions do I need to make now to make the best “conditions” for my experiment? I have paid close attention to the cause and effect of my own behavior on my children. For instance, my children behave better when I am engaged with them physically and emotionally, speak kindly and react with patience and love; as opposed to being stressed, juggling too much or reacting in frustration or anger. Of course there are some circumstances in life that we don’t have control over, but we do have choices in how we respond to the experiments that life hands us.

Now that we’ve started a new year, we can look ahead to all the experiments ahead of us. Mine are deciding what school for Kindergarten, possibly moving homes, balancing work and family, etc. I wonder how all these experiments will go, but I can be grateful for the challenge, do my best with my part and keep reminding myself about what matters most to me. What will your experiments be for the year? Whatever they are may you find peace for the journey and joy along the way.

Taking Care of You (part #2)

It's been awhile since I began the "Taking Care of You" series, and the reason for the delay is that I have been doing just that, taking care of me. The fall often brings the onslaught of new viruses that have remained dormant over the summer months. But alas, they often catch up with us all and sweep through our homes or workplaces with a vengance. One of the most important ways that we can take care of ourselves is to nurture our physical bodies. Without our strength or physical health it is more difficult to deal with the emotional and mental pressures that we usually encounter on a weekly if not daily basis. For those of us that take care of others, it is even that much more important to make sure that we stay physically healthy because the wellbeing of others depends on us.

Since beginning my work at Children's Hospital LA, I have been even more aware of how important physical health is and how grateful I am to have it. I may feel like I'm not in the best shape that I could be in, or fret over a small ailment, but then I come face to face with children who are fighting for their lives. It has helped me to be thankful that I can talk, walk and eat.

What things are you doing in your current life to nurture your physical health and body? Obvious things like eating healthy, exercising, getting enough rest, etc. may initially come to mind. But things like prioritizing seeing a doctor or dentist, taking a bath to relax or spurging for a pedicure or massage may be other ways to show yourself that you are important and that you are worth taking care of. Hope you find time to nurture your body this month and we'll continue our series on "Taking Care of You!"